$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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