Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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