I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
