ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
