But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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