During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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