New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
