yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
