Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
