And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
