Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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