dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
