I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
