Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
