I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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