Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
