Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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