we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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