all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
