Too much gin, very little bucket
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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