I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
