he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
