dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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