trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
