I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
