You just made me feel so damn special
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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