I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
not ubering you a puppy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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