Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
