Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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