If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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