# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You've changed since you got that strap on
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
