I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
