You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
