I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
