yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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