I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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