either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
