I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
