whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
