I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
