he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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