Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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