I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
