i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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