38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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