don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
