i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never underestimate the power of titties
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
