Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
