I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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