At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
North Korea, Best Korea!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
