is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
