i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
