Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
