From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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